9. “I’ll stop gossiping about my friends, family and colleagues” - You will not stop gossiping. If you’re known for having the inside scoop in the office then your “customers” will expect an update daily. If you can’t offer the usual you lose the only friends you had… And don’t act like you don’t get a rush from being miss or mister know it all. Rather get out more and start telling people more about YOUR life.
8. “I’ll stop eating meat” - As much as we all hate how livestock is killed in making us meat to eat, if you’ve been eating meat for more than 10 years it’s highly unlikely you’ll stop eating meat. Rather pray for the animals than try to stop to eat meat. It won’t work. Or think about it like this, no matter what you do they’ll never stop making meat.
7. “I’m gonna stop smoking” - You won’t stop smoking. It’s probably the oldest resolution in the book that has never been kept. Smokers make the resolution every year just so they feel better about themselves. Don’t say you’ll stop smoking, just try smoking less.
6. “I’m gonna be celibate this year” - You’re crazy if you think you’ll stop having sex. Any decision that involves sex is not yours to make. Instead your genitals have been given the power to override any thoughts we would have on the matter. Maybe you should start having sex with hot girls… You’ll regret it less trust me.
5.”I’m gonna keep all my resolutions” - Some people are dumb enough to make resolutions to keep all their resolutions. Well that one is never kept, it’s impossible to invoke more than one change in a year. Why not have one resolution a year.
4.”I’m gonna start going to gym more” - You’re not gonna start going to the gym more regularly unless you have a better reason than JUST losing weight. If there’s a hot girl at gym, yeah you’ll be there every day, be smart about it.
3. “I’m gonna go to church more” – Just like the gym story, you won’t go to church to get saved cause you know you don’t want to be saved. Rather go there to find a wife… who will save you hehehe.
2. “I’m gonna stop drinking” – Drinking is a lifestyle. If you’re gonna stop drinking you might aswell stop partying and hanging out with friends. Just find a drink you have more control over or have energy drinks that seem like they have some alcoholic value.
1. “I’m gonna stop cheating” – If you’re a guy I doubt this will stick unless they cut both your testicles off. Just promise you’ll learn how to conceal it more. For girls it’s easier but still unlikely, just promise you won’t do it with his friend.